POWERFULLY POSITIVE AND SOLUTION ORIENTED
Today, we’re diving into a topic familiar to all leaders: resistance. Unpopular as it may be, resistance is an integral part of leadership, both in professional and personal realms. Mastering the art of navigating resistance can significantly ease your interactions and increase effectiveness.
THE UBIQUITOUS NATURE OF RESISTANCE
You’ve likely experienced this: you’re in a meeting, facing resistance — be it from a colleague, management or another team — and you respond adeptly. Yet, 5 to 20 minutes after the meeting concludes, you find yourself revisiting your responses, thinking “why did I say that?”. “If I had said … it would have been so much easier”. This common scenario highlights the subtle complexities of resistance and its impact on our interactions.
UNDERSTANDING THE NEUROSCIENCE OF RESISTANCE
But what is resistance really and why is it a natural reaction, ingrained in our neurobiology?
Let us look at an everyday example. You ask someone to take over a task. Their initial response is: “I don’t have time.” Sometimes they say this neutrally, at other times with emotions like frustration in their voice.
EMPLOYEE PERSPECTIVE
In most cases, the resisters statement is not thought through. It is a fast, intuitive response. It is a fight or flight reaction. Why does this happen and what does it mean for the leader? Our brain is wired to identify threats and protect us with fight and flight reaction. If a leader asks an employee to take over a task when the employee is in a situation, where they already have a high workload and are struggling with deadlines, then for their intuitive mind, this extra task looks like a threat. A threat to them completing all their other tasks in time. Without even thinking about it, the words “I don’t have time” just come out of their mouth.
LEADER PERSPECTIVE
As soon as the leader hears “I don’t have time” their intuitive mind can identify this as a threat to the leader achieving their goals, which they are being held accountable for. Commonly, the leaders intuitive mind gives them suggestions to say things like: “But this is important because…” “Senior Management wants this!”. In the worst cases “I don’t have time for this, just get it done.”
If the leader says these things, the employee’s mind goes deeper into fight and flight. Either spiking the next resistance “It’s unfair, John should be doing this”. Thus spiking the next fight or flight response form the leader. The result is a spiral of resistance.
Or, many employees will just give up (flight reaction) and do the task. But with low motivation and negative feelings. Often just doing the bare minimum rather than their best work.
FIGHT AND FLIGHT REACTIONS MEAN: LOGICAL THINKING IS REDUCED OR OFF
When people have a fight or flight reaction, their brain and body react as if they were in the stone age being attacked by a tiger. Back then, intuitive very fast reactions were required. One function of the brain: logical and reflective thinking is not needed so the body reduces it significantly, up to switching it off completely.
Have you ever tried to rationalize with someone emotional? This is why it seldom works.
Coming back to the start of this article: Why does it take us 5- 20 minutes after a tough meeting to think: “Why did I say that?” “If I had said … it would have been so much easier”? This is because your brain was most probably in a fight and flight mode and it takes 5- 20 minutes until the full cognitive capacity returns and we can reflect on our thoughts.
A NEW PERSPECTIVE FOR LEADERS “THEIR BRAIN IS OFF. FIRST STEP: SWITCH IT ON.”
Recognizing resistance as a biological response can help us reframe our approach to these challenging situations. This first step is to pause and think, so that we can master our own urge to push by letting out an intuitive reaction. And then do things to first switch the resisters brain back on before resolving the resistance.
Getting back to the example: “I don’t have time.” Instead of pushing “But this is important”, we can first find a common ground e.g.: “Let me guess, you have many deadlines you want to reach and taking over this task could impact them?”. Or “It sounds like you’re passionate about delivering on your important tasks and this might get in the way?”. And then following up with e.g.: “I also want you to be able to accomplish your tasks. How about we take a look in the calendar and see if and when this would realistically fit in for you?“.
With this wording, you are rationally and emotionally acknowledging the other person so they feel heard and seen. This calms the fight and flight response, switching their logical thinking back on. It also turns the tone of the situation from “you against them” to “we together searching for a solution.”
STRATEGIES FOR TURNING RESISTANCE INTO A POSITIVE DIALOGUE
Effective leadership involves recognizing the switched-off brains during resistance and tactfully re-engaging them. Here are some of the most effective techniques:
- Taking a brief pause to collect thoughts and assess the situation. 2-4 seconds is fine. You win time to think and maybe your employee retreats. They might say “Yes I know it is important but can I do it by Friday rather than tomorrow?”. Or they might keep talking and sharing valuable information about the overwhelming situation they are in.
- De-escalation strategies. Here are some practical options we have to communicate with a resistor and re-engange their logical thinking:
Sometimes one of these options works straight away. Other times the resister is very frustrated, and we may need several rounds until they realize you are on their side and calm down.
| Technique | Example for “I don’t have time” | “We tried this before, it does not work” |
| Value | I appreciate your honest and direct answer. | I knew talking to you would be valuable. I would love to hear what happened and understand your insights. |
| Employee’s intention | It seams like you have many deadlines you want to reach and this task would impact them? | If I understand you correctly, you would rather do something you are sure would work? |
| Leaders intention | I also want you to be able to meet your deadlines. I want to find a way where both fit realistically together. | I also want to do things that work. I would really like to understand your experience from last time, would you share it with me? |
| Active listening | If I understand you correctly your time is fully planned out? | It seems you are thinking back to previous attempts and the things that did not work? |
| Emotional active listening | You seem rather frustrated about my request. What is up? | It sounds like you are worried, that we would be wasting our time and energy on this? |
SINCERITY AND MINDSET
These are not just phrases we can use to magically calm fight and flight reactions. So they can work effectively, it is very valuable to adapt a mindset like: “If I really understand the resisters situation and emotionally accept it, we will find a WIN-WIN solution.”
MOVING TOWARD SOLUTION
The final part of our discussion focuses on transitioning from understanding resistance to resolving it. This involves:
- Asking open-ended questions to understand the other’s viewpoint fully.
- Collaboratively exploring solutions, which encourages cooperation and reduces resistance.
- Providing additional information so the other person has the full picture.
- Sharing and valuing different perspectives to foster a more inclusive and productive dialogue.
CONCLUSION
The ability to see resistance for what it is: Intuitive fight or flight reactions due to the historical way our brains still work today. Then taking the ownership as a leader to:
- First help your counterpart get past the fight or flight reactions.
- Reactivate their logical thinking.
- Generate a feeling of working together on the topic, rather than fighting for who wins.
We hope you find these insights helpful. If you wish to practice these techniques or learn more, feel free to reach out. Embracing resistance, understanding its roots and knowing how to manage it can redefine your leadership approach and enrich your interpersonal relationships. Also in private life.
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